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Your Tone
According to Singh, the style in which
you communicate is more important
that the content of the information
you are communicating. “Seemingly
neutral topics can become heated
arguments if the relationship is in
trouble and needs attention,” she says.
In fact, communication can be
divided into two different areas;
instrumental communication and
affective communication. She explains
that instrumental communication
is the exchange of information that
enables individuals to fulfil common
family functions, for example; telling
a child that he or she will be collected
from school at a specific time and
location. “Affective communication
is the way individual family members
share their emotions with one another,
for example grief or happiness,”
she says and though some families
function extremely well with
instrumental communication, they
may have great difficulty with affective
communication. Healthy families, she
stresses, are able to communicate well
in both areas. “Having said this, it can
be less stressful for a couple to talk
about other people and events rather
than their own personal thoughts and
feelings,” she explains and by focusing
on an external object, this becomes
less of a threat than talking about your
inner most thoughts and feelings.
Communication Styles
Sometimes males experience
uncomfortable emotions because
they do not know what to do to
solve things. Essentially to better
their communication with women,
men must realize they don’t always
need to offer solutions and to resist
that overwhelming urge to take the
problem completely off his female
counterpart’s shoulders. Just because
women talk about their problems does
not mean that they do not know how
to solve them. Women mainly want
men to just listen to them.
The differences in the way the sexes
communicate are also a huge factor
since men and women communicate
differently. This is primarily because
their brains are wired differently. In
fact, research suggests that men are
more able to compartmentalize feelings
and women are more likely to attach
feelings and events to each other
most of the time. “The way this affects
communication is that a discussion
that begins about one particular topic
can end up taking a totally different
direction because of the multiple events
associated with that particular event,”
explains Singh. “And some common
issues that are difficult to discuss and
problem solve together include money,
sex, work, children and housework.”
These kinds of problems often begin
with partners simply not having a
good understanding of each other’s
personality types and preferences and
how to provide support, she adds and
also may be tied to unresolved conflicts
from their past.
According to Psychology Today, there
are some other interesting facts that
can enlighten us as to why it seems that
“men don’t talk,” for example women
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Apr/May 2014