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have twice as many words as men.
Women speak at 250 words per minute
and men speak at 125 and according to
Gary Smalley, author of “Making Love
Last Forever” in the course of a day
women speak 25,000 words compared
to a man who only uses 12,000. It
seems that by the end of the day men
are talked out and women still have a
day’s worth of conversation in them.
Another is that men and women also
have different conversational styles.
Women tend to talk faster when they
get excited and may interrupt their
partners who are struggling to find the
right words. When this happens their
male counterparts may lose track or
shut down because they feel cut off and
were unable to express what they were
Finding Solutions
Couples with high levels of marital
distress fight frequently and their
fights do not lead to resolution, but
leave the couple feeling tired, tells
Singh and essentially, treatment for
marital distress is in part building
or rebuilding the skills that work
in marriage, such as learning to
communicate, problem solve, and how
to fight without engaging in too much
hurt. “Part of marital therapy is about
partners working to see each other as
people, to understand where they are
coming from, and to negotiate those
differences that can be negotiated and
accept those differences that cannot,”
she says. “All couples have issues,
however the key is to build a process
that can help find a way to talk about
those issues, to find solutions.”
While all relationships ebb and flow, if
your problems are creating more and
more negativity, then this is a red light
crying out for attention. “There are
things that you can do to try to bring
about a shift in the relationship and
Tips to help you communicate
effectively : Remember:
• Don’t communicate when you are
• Get to the point.
• Focus on facts - not feelings.
• Be careful of gossip.
• Demonstrate you are instrumental
versus expressive.
• Hear with your intellect - not your
• Do not engage in power struggles.
Walk away if needed.
enhance it,” says Singh and one way is
by changing the way you communicate.
“Other steps include making a
schedule to spend time together which
may sound mechanical but actually
enhances affectionate feelings due
to the proximity.” Other basics she
suggests are supporting one another’s
goals and achievements and respecting
one another. “And taking time to share
dreams and goals on a regular basis
with your spouse and consider daily
dialogue as a means of improving
your communication,” she says. “Also
remember, when fighting, fight fair and
be willing to forgive. Try also to laugh
together at least once a day.” Try and
share your decisions about finances,
disciplining the children, chores, and
vacations. She urges couples to take
time to be alone together working on
your intimacy and even schedule dates
or romantic getaways if you have to.
Apr/May 2014