For a woman, a best friend is the one who listens, offers a shoulder to cry on and is always there for you. But what happens when she dumps you and no longer wants to be your friend? HEALTH investigates.
If you have one, then you know that a best friend is hard to come by. For women, close friendships are a necessary part of life- from school to university to grown-up relationships, many women have a special friend that can rely on, talk to and share secrets they probably do not even share with husbands or family. According to Dr. Raymond H. Hamden. Clinical and Forensic Psychologist at The Human Relations Institute and Clinics in Dubai tend to be quite intuitive about emotions and a close relationship is usually both intuitive and emotional.
Dr. Hamden says that a strong red light alert that something is wrong in your friendship is the distancing syndrome. “Distancing is a good clue that something is not right. Not right could mean that the person is just wanting to move-on into a new sphere in life; not that there is something incorrect with the previous friend,” he says.
Sometimes a frank chat that is a little too honest such a being too honest about a new boyfriend, lifestyle choice or even husband can harbor unspoken resentment and hostility. Rather than openly communicating the rebuff, often this will set the wheels of the dumping process in motion. Soon the calls are less frequent with excuses such as ‘I am just busy’ and ‘did not have the time today to call.’ While the other friend will be bewildered, hurt and may insist on knowing what is going on, often the dumper will hold a stoic silence.
Liz Pryor, author of the book ‘What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don’t Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over’ investigated the roots of this issue through personal interviews and stories submitted to her web site, www.lizpryor.com. According to Pryor, the act of girlfriends dumping girlfriends is simply void of any guidelines or rules.
Men often have a harder time understanding why such friendships are just so important to women and if the friendship ends, why the repercussions can be so harsh. A woman may be happily married and able to communicate most everything to her spouse yet the time spent with a cherished girlfriend can often give new perspective to problems or just be there as a crutch to help out when needed. For many women, friendship is the glue that helps hold their lives together. They turn to girlfriends for advice, entertainment and a soft shoulder to cry on. “So when friendships go awry, it can be as devastating as a break-up with a significant other,” says Pryor.
It seems to be common and the method is similar, there is distancing and then there is a subtle silence. Probably the worst part of being dumped is the lack of closure and not knowing what exactly it was that went wrong.