We all make lists of what we want to do and achieve for the new year, yet most of us never get to achieve these goals. Dr. Tara Wyne, Clinical Psychologist and Clinical Director unravels the process of creating resolutions you can actually achieve.
WHY WE MAKE RESOLUTIONS
By nature, Dr. Wyne points out that we are thinking creatures and are constantly reimagining ourselves and consistently envisage a more perfect self. “Our ideas around perfection are informed by our experience, our context, friends, family, and media and content that we consume daily,” she says; so often we gather goals and aspirations that we see being good for others, and set these as our resolutions. Whilst these may be healthy goals, they aren’t always realistic or achievable and we haven’t always got the time, money, commitment, or energy that they take. So we set resolutions and because of a lack of true fit and practical achievability, we fail or it takes superhuman effort which isn’t sustainable to meet the goals.
DOING IT RIGHT
Firstly, Dr. Wyne asserts the reflection that generates the desire to change and making resolutions should be a regular part of our life. “We as people need to spend more time understanding our inner life alongside our constant preoccupation with our external life and our perpetual busyness,” she explains. “When we spend ‘time in’ which is time where we have no task, but just sitting and being, we connect with ourselves and learn a great deal about who we are and what we think and feel about ourselves—a process which generates truer goals regarding change and improvement.” We have to be honest in our self-appraisal and then if we create goals for change, we need to actually allocate both time and energy to seeing the goals through. Dr. Wyne stresses that if youdon’t schedule it, it won’t happen; adding, “Too often we mistakenly believe if we want it enough, we will just make it happen and we will feel like making change. Change happens when intention and behavior meet and there is regular (even modest) follow through on goals.”
TIPS FOR SELFEVALUATION AND SELFIMPROVEMENT
Have some daily reflection time. Set aside time to be mindful, meditate, or write a journal. Each of these activities allows us to stop and be.
Look for recurrent themes to guide our efforts for change.
Ask important people in your life for feedback on how you are and what they see,might be needed for you to be your best you.
Do a values exercise where you take an accurate and up to date look at what is most important to you. This builds great motivation, and awareness, and focus. If your lifestyle is aligned to authentic values, you are far more likely to be able to set realizable goals and achieve them.