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Distancing
Dr. Hamden says that a strong
red light alert that something is
wrong in your friendship is the
distancing syndrome. “Distancing
is a good clue that something is
not right. Not right could mean
that the person is just wanting
to move-on into a new sphere in
life; not that there is something
incorrect with the previous
friend,” he says.
Reasons
Sometimes a frank chat that is a
little too honest such a being too
honest about a new boyfriend,
lifestyle choice or even husband
can harbor unspoken resentment
and hostility. Rather than openly
communicating the rebuff, often
this will set the wheels of the
dumping process in motion. Soon
the calls are less frequent with
excuses such as ‘I am just busy’
and ‘did not have the time today
to call.’ While the other friend
will be bewildered, hurt and may
insist on knowing what is going
on, often the dumper will hold a
stoic silence.
Moving On
Liz Pryor, author of the book ‘What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don’t Tell Each Other
the Friendship is Over’ investigated the roots of this issue through personal interviews and
stories submitted to her web site,
www.lizpryor.com. According to Pryor, the act of girlfriends
dumping girlfriends is simply void of any guidelines or rules.
Men often have a harder time understanding why such friendships are just so important to
women and if the friendship ends, why the repercussions can be so harsh. A woman may be
happily married and able to communicate most everything to her spouse yet the time spent
with a cherished girlfriend can often give new perspective to problems or just be there as
a crutch to help out when needed. For many women, friendship is the glue that helps hold
their lives together. They turn to girlfriends for advice, entertainment and a soft shoulder to
cry on. “So when friendships go awry, it can be as devastating as a break-up with a significant
other,” says Pryor.
It seems to be common and the method is similar, there is distancing and then there is
a subtle silence. Probably the worst part of being dumped is the lack of closure and not
knowing what exactly it was that went wrong.
H
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Mar/Apr 2015