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The Problem:
Free time /Time for
Home
Frequently couples disagree
on how to manage their free
time and the amount of time
dedicated to the couple and
family, tells Dr. Bokanowski.
“For some people is important
that they perform better at
work while for others, it is more
important to be involved in their
family life,” she says.
Solution:
Common and
solitary activities have to be
discussed and organized by the
couple. By doing so, they can
together define what they think
is acceptable for each of them
on a regular basis. This will
avoid feelings of frustration and
exclusion.
The Problem:
Domestic Tasks
Who is going to do what, tells
Dr. Bokanowski, can be a
massive issue if is not organized
at an early stage.
Solution:
“In fact, the habits
of some people can become a
nightmare for another person,
therefore it is important to
discuss with one another what is
acceptable and what is not and
define clearly together how you
want this to be managed,” she
notes.
The Problem:
Your Choice in Friends
It’s possible that your spouse
will find that the best friend you
have had since college is really
not that interesting. However,
Dr. Bokanowski explains that
it is important that you respect
each other’s mutual friends and
reserve your judgment.
Solution:
Each member of the
couple must make an effort in
order to create a heterogeneous
circle of friends that matches
each one’s preference.
The Problem:
Time Together
In each couple, a time only dedicated
to you as a couple to maintain the
romance is very precious, says Dr.
Bokanowski. “Many couples forget
to allow this time and this can lead
to miscommunication, frustration
and arguments,” she says.
Solution:
This is a key moment
for every couple and each member
of the couple has to dedicate time
and availability for this moment.
Therefore, it is suggested to schedule
a weekly date night.
The Problem:
Children’s Education
Children’s education can be a
pivotal point of discordance, tells
Dr. Bokanowski. “The education
we received is modulating the idea
of education we want to give to our
children,” she says.
Solution:
It’s very important to
have an ongoing discussion with
your beloved regarding the kind of
education you want to give in order
to be consistent. Tolerance is also
the master word as you and your
partner will not agree on everything
and of course you will have to agree
on certain points that might be far
from your initial point of view.
The Problem:
The Mother In Law
This, tells Dr. Bokanowski, is a huge
topic of disagreement for couples
especially concerning women. “Most
of the time, the mother-in-law
thinks that you are not good enough
for her beloved son and will never
miss an occasion to remind you of
that,” she says. “Quite often, your
spouse will not want to take sides
and pretend as if there is any no
problem.”
Solution:
Even if he doesn’t want
to, the only person that can lead
the situation to a consensus is
your husband and an acceptable
consensus has to found and
respected between each party.
Advice:
According to
Dr. Bokanowski,
the key that can
allow couples
to overcome
issues and live
in harmony is
communication.
“A fluid
communication
has to be set at
an early stage
in the couple’s
life as good
communication
is a good
success
predictor,” she
says.
H
63
Mar/Apr 2015