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When Roxanne’s
only daughter was
preparing to go
overseas to attend
university, she
assumed it would
allot her more
time for herself.
“I was heavily
involved in getting
Maria ready for
university, with
the studying, the
entrance exams
and the packing.
I had secretly
figured after she
was gone, I could
take up cooking
classes yet it has
been over six
months, and I
just can’t seem to
shake the feeling
that no one needs
me anymore,” she
laments.
The Feelings
The Empty Nest syndrome refers
to the grief that many parents feel
when their children move out
of the home. This condition is
typically more common in women,
who are more likely to have had
the role of primary caregiver.
Common symptoms of this
syndrome include a deep sense
of sadness and grief. Symptoms
experienced but not limited to are
loss of sleep, disinterest in doing
day-to-day things, crying without
a trigger, sleeplessness, lack of
appetite, disinterest in meeting or
talking to people, moodiness and
a deep sense of loss and emptiness
in life.
Mothers
Empty Nest syndrome can
afflict both parents, but
mothers seem to be most
susceptible as many mothers
may have dedicated 20 years
or more of their lives to
bringing up their children
and see motherhood as their
primary role. In two-parent
families, while mothers
stayed at home, fathers
developed careers and a life
outside of the house. This is
true even for most working
mothers. Once the last child
moves out, the mother may
feel that her most important
job is finished.
Adapting
Most mothers adapt
in time- psychologists
suggest that it may
take between 18
months to two years
to make the successful
transition from ‘mom’
to independent
woman. When the
Empty Nest syndrome
occurs, the parental
couple experience
role adjustment,
fear and a changing
relationship. In fact
fathers report that,
because so much
of family life has for
20 years or more
revolved around
children, they no
longer have much in
common with their
partner. Sometimes
marriages have
evolved into simply
the relationship of a
mother and a father;
and with the children
no longer occupying
center stage, they
have to work
through some critical
relationship issues.
Suggestions for
coping include:
• Acknowledge your
grief and allow
yourself to feel
upset.
• Focus on rebuilding
and strengthening
your marriage.
Spend more time
with your partner
and other friends
• Create your own
rituals to help
acknowledge
your feelings.
Suggestions include
gardering or
redecorating your
child’s old room.
• Discuss your
thoughts, feelings
and future plans
with your spouse.
• Seek advice and
support from other
friends who also
have experienced
‘Empty Nest’
syndrome.
• Give yourself time
to adapt to the
changes.
• Keep up regular
routines and self-
care, such as eating
a healthy diet and
exercising regularly.
• Seek professional
help if you
are feeling
overwhelmed.
H
57
Mar/Apr 2015