Building a Healthy Relationship with your Teen

Here are a few helpful ways to build a trusting and healthy relationship with your teen:

1)The neck-straining-and-snooping-into-your-teen’s-phone parent:
Violation of privacy can lead to distrust between a parent and teen. They are much more sensitive because of their inner turmoil regarding themselves. They want to feel that you, their role model, believes that they are not always irresponsible. Based on how parents react to their need of personal privacy, the teen decides how much to share and trust.

2) Listen to your teen:
Being condescending or making teens feel they know nothing about life, will lead to a communication gap. Listen to what they have to say and if you feel that their opinion is limited, gently help them see a larger perspective and guide them be informed better.

3) Validate their emotions:
Acknowledge your teens emotions. It doesn’t mean you necessarily agree, it just means you understand their point of view. What they want to hear is that “I understand that this has made you angry and it is okay for you to feel this”, once you have communicated your validation, guide them see things with a new perspective.

4) Chill time:
Spend quality time with your teen REGULARY. Ask them what they would like to do and do it with them. Also alternate it with something that you enjoy doing, which your teen has to be a part of. This will help you both understand and appreciate each other, gain trust and it will also bring you both closer.

5) Be honest:
Perhaps the simplest and most important; when you are truthful with your teen, they will do the same with you. This tells them that you trust them, and they will do their best to maintain that trust. The minute they feel they are being manipulated, they will go back into their shell and become guarded.

6) Positive Language:
This is a little tricky; however, once you start using this, it is easy and effective. This involves talking to your teen in words that are positive and encouraging. For
example, when your child makes a mistake and apologizes, a good way to make sure that they don’t do it again, would be letting them know that you appreciate that they realize they were wrong and you trust them when they say they won’t do it again. Your faith in them is everything for them.

(Credit: Dr. Jyotika Aggarwal, a clinical psychologist with Lifeworks Foundation, works with a broad range of concerns and has a specialization in Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy.)
www.lifeworksfoundation.com